When the New School Beckons: Military Families in Transition
by: Kathleen P. O’Beirne |
Every year, many students move with their families to new communities. Some moves are to allow one or both parents to pursue a new job opportunity, or unfortunately, a move may be the result of a job layoff or divorce. Children in military families move more frequently than their civilian peers. In addition to their mobility, these children may be faced with multiple deployments of one or more parents. More National Guard and Reserve members are being called up, and many military parents are receiving back-to-back combat assignments. It is crucial for educators and school families to understand and talk about these dynamics so they can act as partners in supporting children in military families. The first step in supporting mobile military students is understanding the normal reactions to a move. While the process can go smoothly, there can be especially trying times as well, depending on the age and developmental stage of the child. Teens tend to have an especially tough time leaving their peers; on the other hand, late elementary school students may love the adventure. Knowing the basic stages of a move can help educators and school families understand the emotions often felt by transferring students and their families—and can help them find ways to ease the transitions. Stages of transition Stage 1: Anticipation and notification of a move Once the orders actually come, parents should be sure to alert their children’s schools at least several weeks before the move is scheduled to occur to allow the schools enough time to compile a thorough cumulative folder for each student and provide exit counseling. Key during this period is for the transferring students to hear from their teachers and peers how they have made a difference. Research on military families shows that the exit time is even more critical than the first days at the new school. The quality of the landing is largely determined by the quality of the launch. A transferring student’s parents and current school counselor should communicate with the new school to share information about the student’s special needs and achievements and to ensure proper placement. If the family has been active in PTA, the PTA president at the family’s current school should offer to alert the PTA president at the new school of the family’s impending arrival. The PTA at the new school will be able to ease the family’s transition by helping the family get acquainted with the school, the community, and other PTA families. Stage 2: The actual move Many military-connected high schools now have the Military Child Education Coalition’s (MCEC’s) counseling referral system, which connects families and students with counselors so they can discuss upcoming moves and their ramifications. (The MCEC website [www.militarychild.org] lists participating schools.) Despite the widespread use of e-mail to send documents, military families should hand-carry copies of official school documents to ensure that there are no delays in enrollment. Stage 3: House-hunting Stage 4: Making it home Stage 5: Getting to know the new school Teens often find the transition to a new school very trying. They tend to be sensitive about social matters and usually hate being the object of attention. Because their parents are unfamiliar with the new area and the new students, transferring teens may temporarily lose some of the privileges they had in their previous home, such as driving and staying late after school with friends—and they may resent that loss of freedom. It may take teens one to two months to become comfortable in the new school. Flipping through scrapbooks and e-mailing friends from their previous school may help students keep a sense of self during this time. Stage 6: Self-discovery Students will need to exercise care as they navigate the choices available. The “fringe groups” are always looking for new members, but the other groups tend to take a while to open up. If counselors, teachers, and families are supportive during this time, mobile students will emerge with a strong sense of themselves and a purposeful commitment to their new school and community. Students may connect to a school community more quickly if they join a school group, such as band or a sports team. Stage 7: Turning point—recognition and acceptance The pitfalls of mobility If families move more frequently than once every two years, they may experience cumulative relocation or cumulative deployment fatigue, which occur when there is insufficient time for achieving a full transition. Students and families who have not stayed in the same place for at least 18 months after stage seven may need extra help with their new transitions. A healthy new start Military families bring a richness of experience to their schools, their communities, and their PTA units. We owe it to them and to ourselves to help them make their frequent but necessary transitions as painless and successful as possible. Kathleen P. O’Beirne has published many articles on and resources for military families. She was raised in a military family and is a Navy wife and mother. She can be reached at Kathleenobeirne@aol.com. |