Conflict Resolution - Dealing with Difficulties

Problem Solving Pointers

  • Let people solve their problems - don’t take responsibility for others’ problems.
  • Most problems are best solved at the level at which they occur - that is where you start to solve the problem.
  • Avoid using a message that starts with “you.” “You have a problem” will cause others to be defensive.
  • Use “I” messages. “I have a problem. I don’t understand (name the problem). How can we work together to solve it?”
  • Identify the problem - be specific without assigning blame.
  • Allow that others may be having a bad day. Keep the discussion at the level of the problem. Take it seriously, not personally, and avoid making personal comments.
  • Solve only one issue at a time.
  • Make sure both sides of the issue are heard.
  • Listen carefully, wait, and give feedback to make sure you heard what the people are trying to tell you. Sometimes they just need to be heard.
  • Talk about different ways to solve the problem. Ask, “What would you like to see happen?” Then choose one or two that you both agree are the “best” solutions.
  • Make sure you have the same understanding of what the solution is. This is done with feedback. You might say, “Thank you so much for your time. I understand that (then repeat what you understand to be the solution).”
  • Ask positive questions and listen to the person. “What happened?” “What do you want me to do?” “What are the possible solutions?” Allow them to pause and think. They might come up with their own solution.

Conflict Management

Conflict in PTA usually revolves around three areas:

  •  Individual conflicts
  •  Problems relating to PTA activities
  •  Group/individuals in opposition to PTA policies or positions

Some conflicts may be avoided when you are:

  •  Knowledgeable
  •  Familiar with bylaws
  •  Following the policies of PTA
  •  Informed about the issues
  •  Sensitive to the rights of members
  •  Able to avoid personality conflicts

Remember to:

  • Listen to understand
  • Agree to disagree
  • Be tolerant of intolerance

Dealing with Difficult People

Difficult people can be found in any PTA group. They come in all shapes and sizes but they can be identified by the strategies they use to sabotage the group’s efforts. A calm and self-controlled leader who has practiced group management techniques can provide a climate that allows all members to effectively contribute.

The Blocker: Says NO to everything and everyone. Attempts to bring back an issue or task after it has been rejected or bypassed. 

  • Suggested questions/comments:  Why do you feel this way? Give us your background on that opinion. Where did you get that information?

The Attacker: Reacts negatively to people and projects. Expresses disapproval of the values, acts, and feelings of others. Attempts to keep others from being credited with any contributions.

  • Suggested questions/comments:  Let’s look at both sides. Where did you get your data for that opinion? Could we discuss the idea and leave personalities out?

The Clown: Refuses to take anything seriously; makes jokes about everything. Displays a lack of involvement in the groups’ efforts by being cynical, nonchalant, or playfully disruptive.

  • Suggested questions/comments:  How does that relate to the subject? We needed a good laugh; now, let’s get back to the topic. Would that help us deal with this issue?

The Recognition Seeker: Wants to be heard and feel important. Boasts and demands to be in charge of committees or assignments.

  • Suggested questions/comments:  Could we hear more? Give us specific information, please. Could you look into that and give us more information at the next meeting?

The Avoider: Leaves or withdraws from the meeting, ignores discussion, or is quiet.

  • Suggested questions/comments:  We need a decision. We really want your input on this issue. What can you personally do to contribute?

The Special Interest Pleader: Emphasizes my child or those poor children. Diverts attention from the goals and focus of the group effort.

  • Suggested questions/comments:  How does this work for the group? If we did this, how would it affect our group’s goals? Is this our only choice?

The Dominator: Asserts power or superiority to manipulate the group. Insists on my way; does all the talking. Bullies and bosses others in an autocratic manner.

  • Suggested questions/comments:  Are there other suggestions? Would this work in all cases? While we’re on this point, let’s hear from someone else.

Extras

National PTA Thrive Online Learning Course

Page Details
Sections: 
President
Tags: 
President