Problem Solving Pointers
- Let people solve their problems - don’t take responsibility for others’ problems.
- Most problems are best solved at the level at which they occur - that is where you start to solve the problem.
- Avoid using a message that starts with “you.” “You have a problem” will cause others to be defensive.
- Use “I” messages. “I have a problem. I don’t understand (name the problem). How can we work together to solve it?”
- Identify the problem - be specific without assigning blame.
- Allow that others may be having a bad day. Keep the discussion at the level of the problem. Take it seriously, not personally, and avoid making personal comments.
- Solve only one issue at a time.
- Make sure both sides of the issue are heard.
- Listen carefully, wait, and give feedback to make sure you heard what the people are trying to tell you. Sometimes they just need to be heard.
- Talk about different ways to solve the problem. Ask, “What would you like to see happen?” Then choose one or two that you both agree are the “best” solutions.
- Make sure you have the same understanding of what the solution is. This is done with feedback. You might say, “Thank you so much for your time. I understand that (then repeat what you understand to be the solution).”
- Ask positive questions and listen to the person. “What happened?” “What do you want me to do?” “What are the possible solutions?” Allow them to pause and think. They might come up with their own solution.
Conflict Management
Conflict in PTA usually revolves around three areas:
- Individual conflicts
- Problems relating to PTA activities
- Group/individuals in opposition to PTA policies or positions
Some conflicts may be avoided when you are:
- Knowledgeable
- Familiar with bylaws
- Following the policies of PTA
- Informed about the issues
- Sensitive to the rights of members
- Able to avoid personality conflicts
Remember to:
- Listen to understand
- Agree to disagree
- Be tolerant of intolerance
Dealing with Difficult People
Difficult people can be found in any PTA group. They come in all shapes and sizes but they can be identified by the strategies they use to sabotage the group’s efforts. A calm and self-controlled leader who has practiced group management techniques can provide a climate that allows all members to effectively contribute.
The Blocker: Says NO to everything and everyone. Attempts to bring back an issue or task after it has been rejected or bypassed.
- Suggested questions/comments: Why do you feel this way? Give us your background on that opinion. Where did you get that information?
The Attacker: Reacts negatively to people and projects. Expresses disapproval of the values, acts, and feelings of others. Attempts to keep others from being credited with any contributions.
- Suggested questions/comments: Let’s look at both sides. Where did you get your data for that opinion? Could we discuss the idea and leave personalities out?
The Clown: Refuses to take anything seriously; makes jokes about everything. Displays a lack of involvement in the groups’ efforts by being cynical, nonchalant, or playfully disruptive.
- Suggested questions/comments: How does that relate to the subject? We needed a good laugh; now, let’s get back to the topic. Would that help us deal with this issue?
The Recognition Seeker: Wants to be heard and feel important. Boasts and demands to be in charge of committees or assignments.
- Suggested questions/comments: Could we hear more? Give us specific information, please. Could you look into that and give us more information at the next meeting?
The Avoider: Leaves or withdraws from the meeting, ignores discussion, or is quiet.
- Suggested questions/comments: We need a decision. We really want your input on this issue. What can you personally do to contribute?
The Special Interest Pleader: Emphasizes my child or those poor children. Diverts attention from the goals and focus of the group effort.
- Suggested questions/comments: How does this work for the group? If we did this, how would it affect our group’s goals? Is this our only choice?
The Dominator: Asserts power or superiority to manipulate the group. Insists on my way; does all the talking. Bullies and bosses others in an autocratic manner.
- Suggested questions/comments: Are there other suggestions? Would this work in all cases? While we’re on this point, let’s hear from someone else.
CHAIRING A TOUGH MEETING
At times, a PTA is faced with issues that ignite strong feelings from its members and community. Conducting a meeting involving these issues can be difficult for the local PTA president and board.
Before the Meeting
- Confer with appropriate officers and/or other board members to pre-plan the meeting to allow maximum participation from all points of view. Ask your council president or region director for help, if needed.
- Check PTA sources for existing positions on issues to be discussed. Check utahpta.org/resolutions for resolutions and utahpta.org/statements-positions positions for position statements.
- Prepare a thorough and thoughtful agenda for the meeting.
- Carefully study "Robert’s Rules of Order Newly Revised" on meeting procedures, motions, etc.
During the Meeting
- Have a copy of your local PTA Bylaws, your standing rules, your President Handbook, and "Robert’s Rules of Order Newly Revised" on hand.
- Establish ground rules and follow them. Conduct the meeting as formally as possible.
- If the group is willing, special rules for this meeting can be agreed upon at the outset, such as the number of times a person may speak to any one item, time limits for all speakers, etc.
- As the chair, the president has the privilege to overlook the recognition of a speaker who may be dominating the floor in favor of others who may not have spoken.
- If the group continues to disagree in such a way that further study is warranted, the chair should solicit a motion to organize a committee. Those who have expressed strong feelings on the issue should be given the opportunity to serve on the committee.
- Appear calm, even if you are distressed.
- Be polite but forceful.
- Whatever happens, keep your perspective by maintaining neutrality as a chair and your sense of humor.